Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Which Man Do I Love?

I'm so confused. My husband has come back to me. But he's not the man I married. He's different now, and I'm not sure how I feel.

I can't help but care for him. I loved my husband with everthing inside of me. But... do I love Matthew? Or the man Matthew became?

It's hard for me to call him "Rogan". It's hard to look at him as anything less than my husband. But Rogan doubts my feelings for him. He talks of himself in the third person, as if Matthew no longer exists. But he does! He's standing right in front of me.

True, he no longer has memories of his life when he was married to me. In that respect, I guess he's right. Matthew Silver no longer exists. But my feelings for him do exist.

So where does that leave me? How can I say I love Rogan and be absolutely sure I love "him", not some memory of the man he used to be? And what of his feelings? If he's no longer Matthew, then he no longer loves me. When I realized that truth, it was as if someone had ripped out my heart.

The man I love does not love me.

He's attracted to me, there's no doubt in that. But he's attracted to me because he wants to know about the man he was before. He wants to know what kind of woman he married years ago. But it's not love.

And that's what hurts the most.

Can the same man fall in love with me--twice?

I hope to God he can. I cannot lose him again.

~~Marlie Silver


Post a Comment

<< Home